Rablings....

Fruity toothpaste
for some reason, i was in a rush the other day while buying toothpaste. i don't know how that even happens but it did. anyway, the next morning, i open it and brush my teeth with it. to my surprise, i had bought blueberry flavored toothpaste. blueberry? it was like brushing my teeth with really shitty cake frosting. at the risk of sounding like every hack comic ever, what is the deal with fruity toothpaste? who decided that fresh breath could be achieved by rubbing your teeth with lik-m-aid paste? this fruity toothpaste defies all logic. it would be like using soap made of ink or deodorant made from crystalized vagrant dingleberries. i get that it's most likely for children (not the most apparent thing on the packaging, i might add) but still...give those fuckers some chewable vitamins and keep it moving. keep the mint in toothpaste.

aesthetics:art and scenery
this is going to be a huge generalization but i do not get aesthetics. i mean, i understand why people want their homes to look a certain way and why people dress how they do but in terms of nature and art...it's all lost on me. Growing up i could never tell what made one piece of art great and what made one a piece of shit. 20 years later, I'm just as clueless. i've always judged art on "could i do that?" if the answer is "yes" then it's crap. everything else falls into the "better then me" category. that's pretty much 99% of all paintings. but do i wanna look at it? not really. do i find nuances within it? not at all. it's just a painting to me.
as for nature and all it's beauty...eh...i pass. the only times i've ever enjoyed nature and it's beauty were when i was tripping my balls of on shrooms in the woods. then, i got it. but otherwise, it's just stuff. trees, oceans, mountains, rivers...as vast and stunning as the can look, it's just scenery. i've seen a homeless man shit on the sidewalk during rush hour. that was truly something to behold. a boundless mountain range buried in the clouds is cool i guess...but bob ross could paint that shit and have it look pretty much the same. i defy him to draw that shitting bum and truly capture that moment. impossible.
whenever people travel they come back with millions of photo's. about half of them are usually some scenery. shit that ,when they saw it, was breathtaking. so they took a shit load of pictures of it. well, fast forward to the viewing of those pics and what do you have? a bunch of pictures of mountains and trees. ..or bodies of water...have fun with those pics. those unforgettable moments of nothingness.

pundits
politics, sports, music, film...pretty much everything that has an audience has pundits. these are the loud mouth cocks who just prattle of their pointless opinions about whatever subject they're deemed "experts" in. (kinda like me but the only thing i'm an expert in is Bond. Alx knows.). i think the worst may be the sports pundits cause all they do is guess. sports has no rhyme or reason. you never REALLY know who's gonna win (wrestling excluded). so all these douche bags giving their opinions really measure up to a big bowl of nothing. it's completely arbitrary. i mean, in truth, all pundits are just talking to be talking. nothing they say really matters and nothing they say holds any real weight. I'm all for debate on subjects but these people act like they're speaking the only truth in the world. when ,in reality, they're guesstimating like a motherfucker.

t-pain
this fucking guy. he's literally on every r&b and rap song out right now. on top of that, he can't sing AT ALL. talentless famous people are nothing new but this guy kinda boggles my mind. he sings through a vocorder. that's what cher used to use. it's what daft punk uses. it really serves two purposes: 1)cool effect on a voice used when the singer is in no way trying to be a singer 2)to cover up the voice of someone who cannot sing for shit. guess what category t-pain falls in? he's a fucking R&B singer! the only thing he needs to be able to do is sing. that's it. i saw him on the hip hop honors show on vh1 and this motherfucker sounded like nervous karaoke. on top of that, why him? there's plenty of guys out there who can't sing. why did they get his bummy ass to be the guy? rihanna may have a questionable voice (have you heard her live? rouch...) but look at her. t-pain, on the other hand, look like something washington square park would vomit up. it's too bad too cause vocorders sound dope when used right...

drama lords
we all need a little adversity in our lives to give us perspective. some people who've never been through any real shit in their lives are truly setting themselves up for a meltdown. we all know people like this. these are the people who will lose their shit over common everyday mishaps and act like the world is ending. it's fair to guess they've never been through any real tragedy cause, if they had, they might look at things a little different. whenever i see people like this i always wonder what's gonna happen to them when something real actually does go down? if you can't handle the death of a pet or losing your cell phone, what are you gonna do when something that actually matters on a huge scale happens? there's a huge difference between tragedy and being inconvenienced or being sad...people recover from those things, where as tragedy has lasting effects that never really go away.
i often get shit from my friends for being somewhat of an emotional robot. i rarely get upset ,i pretty much never cry and i seemingly don't care about anything. while this is all pretty true, it's not like my heart is a piece of coal. my theory is that there are very few things that happen in life that are life changing (in a bad way). things like the death of a close family member or friend, terrible physical damage, losing everything you own in a fire. stuff like that. all life changing shit that pretty much dictates you life from there on out. so, the way i see it, I'm saving whatever locked away emotion i have for when one of those things happens. nothing else matters THAT much to beat yourself up over..or worse, shit on other people over. so, the next time you're out and you see some sulky drunk bitch whining about her lame boyfriend like 9/11 just happened again, punch her in the face. then she'll have a real reason to fucking cry...

And To Catch a Predator..........
I've been watching "to catch a predetor" alot lately. really so i can sharpen my online pedophilia game. just kidding. but seriously, that is the best show ever. if you're not up on it (you should be cause i'm like 2 years late on this myself) go peep some clips on youtube.
anyway, watching it like i have been i've got a few random thoughts on it.
for one, if that show is any indication, most pedophiles are indian (from india) or guys that look like fat cops. also, online pedophiles loooooove to send pics of thier cocks to strangers. you gotta have a shitty little dick to wanna send it to a 12 year old girl. talk about not understanding women. obviously, it's really the tip of the "misunderstanding" iceberg for these guys but come on...even horny 30 year old women don't wanna look at pics of strangers cocks. i think we, as men, tend to think women are like us. we can look at a picture of a vagina with no face and be like "nice..." i've always felt women are really only into dick when they're in arms reach of it (and not attached to someone they don't wanna fuck).
another thing i thought about was the actresses they use to play the underage girls. they're all 18 but look really young..oh, and, without sounding like too much of a perve, they're kinda hot. so i'm thinking, if i was an online predetor and came across a cute girl who was seemingly down to get down i'd be excited BUT i'd be a little reserved. not cause i'm a law breaking child fucking piece of shit (i imagine that's an after thought to these guys) but because people never look as good in person as they do online. anyone who's ever met someone through myspace will probably agree with me here. so, imagine the sheer delight these fucking guys have when they walk in and see a straight up hot young girl (remember, she's actually 18 so i can say that...). it's like christmas squared for those dudes. and that makes it even sweeter when the rug is pulled out from under them and chris hansens smarmy ass pops out from behind the curtain. there they are, literally ready to strip and fuck and all of a sudden, not only are they not fucking, but their life is also ruined forever. it would be like jerking off then seeing you best friend get shot right before you bust a nut. rouch...amazing.
obviously, the best part of that show is watching the dudes try to weasal thier way out of it any way they can while hansen just obliterates everything they say. it must feel sooooooo dope for him when he sets up something to say, they predetor takes the bait, and he actually gets to drop that gem on him. i saw one othe other night where he caught some 22 year old kid on the beach. the kid immediately started copping pleas and saying "oh man, i have plans for myself..i wanna get in to broadcasting..." hansen responds "braodcasting, huh? like teleivision?"
the kid says "yeah, i wanna do sports broadcasting on tv...." to which hansen replies "well, this is one of those good new/bad news situations then...cause you are on tv...and i'm chris hansen...ect ect" it was great.
i wonder what one would have to do to get a job baiting pedophiles in chat rooms? that must be an ill job.especially if you're a man pretending to be a 13 year old girl.
the screen names these guys have are amazing too. leave it to a 3 foot, fat mexican guy to call himself some shit like "zorro12incher" or some 45 year old virgin who calls himself "backshots45" online. as cowardly as these online pedophiles are. those screen names are pretty ballsy.
yeah..so watch that shit...bring popcorn.