Hugh Hefners got it made? Doubt it.

being hugh hefner must be ill. you often hear his name come up in the "who would you most like to trade places with" game that people sometimes play. on the surface, it does seem like the best life. he is unimaginably wealthy, has a famously huge estate , he's widely admired by all sorts of people and , most of all, he's surrounded by hot young sluts 24/7. what man wouldn't want a piece of that? but looking a little closer into the world of hugh hefner, and it begins to feel like it might not be all that it seems. don't get me wrong, hefner's life from the 60's to the 80's must have been like a non-stop wet dream you get paid for. but fast forward to the present time and you have a very very old man. an old man kinda/sorta running his empire but most likely just sitting back and letting the younger generation of playboy staff handle everything. he's the face of playboy for sure but I'm guessing he has as much to do with the daily dealings as tuscan sam does for fruit loops. there is no doubt in my mind, that for all his smiling for the camera he does, when the playboy mansion doors shut, he walks around in tube socks and robe wondering where he left his glasses while wishing he could control his bowels better. so, here's my case as to why hugh hefners life isn't really all that.
(side note: i have done no research on this and this is all just how i imagine his life to be. i could be easily be wrong but i kinda doubt that i am).

"but he's surrounded by beautiful women!"
this is true...but have any of you ever hung out with really beautiful women? like women who's existence is based on how they look? models or actresses. they're the fucking worst. outside of nazi's and child molesters i'd be hard pressed to think of people who are generally worse people. add onto that that these playboy girls aren't even models and actresses. they have aspirations to one day be a famous actress or model. they're glorified strippers. so, here's hugh hefner, old as dirt, chilling pool side listening to group of 21 year old retards talk about weather or not the jonas brothers are circumcised. I'm 32. the thought of sitting through the kind of inane conversations that must be had by those girls is frightening and I'm young enough where i could still fuck them! hefner is like 80 something. i can only imagine the cataract eye rolls he must be giving.

"but he fucks all those hot girls!"
sure, he does. he takes 5 viagra pills and slips his grey meal worm of a penis inside them on a regular basis. BULLSHIT. at best, he's getting his dick sucked. do you think hefner even gives a shit about pussy anymore? i mean, i know normal guys who have had sex with countless women who, at some point, just stopped giving a shit. hefner is like them times a million cause , on top of being mad old, he's fucked thousands of hot women. what does he care? it's kinda like when famous people have so much sex they need to try something bizarre just to keep interest in sex. like choking or fucking midgets. hefner is so beyond that, i wouldn't be surprised if he winces at the sight of a vagina. not to mention, if he does actually fuck or get head from these girls, it's gotta be disheartening to see the horrified look on their faces when they slap his withered old cock into their hands. i don't care what the pay off is, these girls are not that good at acting. sure, the idea of a super hot 21 year old blowing me is great, but add on that she's holding back her vomit the whole time while doing it, and it gets a little less intriguing.

"but he has so many famous friends!"
yup. what famous person doesn't wanna get down with hefner...or should i say what famous person doesn't want to hang out at his house. no one really gives a shit about hefner the man. in fact, if you've ever heard him in interviews, he's not a particularly interesting guy. he's kind of a middle of the road dork who makes wack jokes. but trust me , everyone laughs when he does.
I'm sure he's aware that 99% of the people who surround him are just there for the ride. that's gotta be pretty depressing. to these people, his thoughts and ideals are neither here nor there unless they involve a half naked girl or a martini after all, he's hugh hefner. he owns the playboy mansion. they throw great parties there. I'm sure he's friends with most celebrities the same way you're friends with that somewhat familiar dude you see at the bar every week and say "hi" to, yet you don't know his name. you vaguely recognize him so you say "hi" just to acknowledge he's a familiar face. that's the bulk of hefners social existence...and that sucks.


most of all, beyond anything else, hefner is fucking OLD. if you've ever hung out with a person 75 years old or more , they're not jovial. they're crotchety and they hate most things. at best, they're indifferent and read a lot. they complain about banal shit all the time and everything they do physically hurts them. sitting down hurts them. they're fucking miserable. in their defense, if anyone has a right to be this way, it's the elderly. after all, they've been through it already. it's now their turn to take a shit on the world. still, whenever you see hefner on tv he's cracking that famous sideways smile like everything is hunky dory. well, i refuse to believe hefner is smiling his wrinkled ass off while taking his 25 vitamins every morning and sitting down for his morning pee. i refuse to believe that hefner is joyous when a gaggle of mentally challenged bunnies have their undeserving hands out wanting spending money. no fucking way. i imagine he wakes up every day and just sits in bed for 5 or so minutes staring at his gaudy bedroom and possibly resentfully looking over at the passed out drunk freeloader laying next to him.. it's 5:30 am (cause that's when really old people wake up) and he's alone for the only time during his long day. he probably goes through what his days schedule might be or even just thinks about what he might be having for breakfast. regardless, i bet that's the most lucid point of his whole day. as soon as he gets out of bed and ventures out into the world, his groundhog's day of a life once again starts up. full of fake smiling, needy and entitled whores, kiss asses and ungrateful family members.
sure, his life was once the things dreams were made of, but at this point, i think i'd rather be wilford brimley then hugh hefner. at least that motherfucker gets to be old and miserable with a little dignity.