Goodbye... for good.

Well, it’s happened. After 18 years of watching MTV’s “The real world”, I’m calling it quits. You may be thinking “But Dallas , that show has been awful forever…why the fuck would you watch it to begin with? Aren’t you pushing 30? what the fuck is wrong with you?”
well, my sweet inquisitive friend, I wish i had a good answer. To be honest, it just kinda become a thing i did without thought. A new season would start, and i would watch it. Usually, this would mean sitting through a bunch of bratty kids being brats with an occasional awesome fight scene or equally awesome racist misstep thrown in. No matter how banal the season, i’d find a way to submerge myself in it…be it through bitter hatred of all the participants or shameful lust for some of the young sluts that show attracts as cast members. But, i’ve reached my boiling point. I’m done.
Over the now 23 seasons (in 18 fucking years!) of “The real world”, there have surely been some seasons that were better than others. For every awesome season (seattle, las vegas, austin) there were always clunkers (london, key west, they did a denver season?). I had come to terms with that. But something happened during season 21. The Brooklyn season. First off, they stopped finding attractive people. That was mistake #1. They tried to go for some “substance over beauty” shit that simply doesn’t fit into a successful “real world” equation. Instead of seeking out 7 people scientifically engineered to combust when mixed together , who also happen to be largely fuckable, they opted for people with “stories”. A young war vet. A newly chopped transexual, a funky mormon trying to make it big , a chubby tattooed girl.
In the past, to my delight, “The real world” worked primarily through stereotypes. Catty gay guy. Angry black guy. Redneck drunk. Stupid girl. sure, these people were far more than just those simple tags but at least they were easily definable. It made watching the show easy. And easy is what watching the real world should be. I refuse to believe that anyone over the age of 15 truly gets invested in the stories of the lives of these 7 or 8 inconsequential people. So, instead of trying to “make me think” or “pull my heart strings” , show me drunk people fighting and fucking. That’s all i want. The moment “the real world” began to have too much a conscience , was where it all went down hill (some could argue that was during the San Francisco season when that dude died of AIDS, but that was just a blip in the other all debauchery of the show). As soon as they stopped stirring the pot, the show was dead in the water.
Not to mention, where this show used to be a platform for normal people to just be normal, it’s now just a stepping stone for budding musicians and actors. The irony of that is the chances of becoming actually famous (in the right way) after being on “the real world” is little to none. It’s pretty much career suicide unless you’re hunger for notoriety out weighs your hunger for food that you might wanna buy with money you earn. Nothing polarizes a hopeful entertainer like being “the guy from the real world”.
So, that brings me to this: why, after all these half assed seasons do i now decide to call it quits? well, aside from what i wrote above, it’s clear that “The real world” , as we know it, has run out of people. There is nothing new under the sun on that show and any person on it is pretty much a watered down version of an already watered down version of a person who proceeded them. Not to mention, people are getting dumber and less interesting by the second. 18-24 year olds, for the most part, suck. I have no interest in their thoughts, opinions or actions. I’m also old and out of touch so, yeah, there’s that too.
The only way i see this ever changing is if they go all out. Fuck bringing in a bashful southern boy, a hot miami slut, a book worm black nerd, a super jock with a anger streak, and confused lesbian, an abrasive gay guy…fuck all that. If “the real world” wants me to ever watch it again, I’mma need a cast like this:

A convicted rapist

An active porn star

An MMA fighter with multiple personalities

a midget with a huge chip on his shoulder willing to die for his beliefs.

an extremely unlikable Emo kid (who will inevitably get beaten up all season long)

a super doe eyed religious girl from the south who’s never seen a penis but, by the end of the season, is getting fucked by every guy in the house.

a flagrant chubby chaser (for comic relief)

A girl with self esteem so low she’s fuck mini-me (she also happens to be a feminist but she’s really bad at it)

That is what i need. Sure, a few of those are already staples of the past seasons but those are the people that made the show great in the first place. Add on a few of the others and shit will be hitting the fan every 15 minutes.
So, that’s that. I wipe my hands clean of this bullshit. Perhaps this is a sign of maturation on my part. who knows? However, what i do know is that i’ll be watching “the gauntlet” till i’m dead.That shit is awesome.